Warisan Cita-Cita

Waktu menunjukkan pukul satu dini hari ketika Jani masih nampak sibuk dengan bacaannya. Siang tadi, ia menyempatkan diri untuk mampir ke perpustakaan kota untuk meminjam buku-buku. Kali ini pilihannya jatuh kepada 3 buku. Dua tentang histologi, dan satu tentang fisiologi tubuh manusia.

Apa daya, karena kesibukannya di hari ini, Jani baru sempat menyentuh buku yang dipinjamnya ketika malam mulai larut. Ditumpukkan olehnya buku-buku tersebut di meja makan, dan mulailah ia membukanya satu demi satu halaman. Kecintaannya terhadap ilmu pengetahuan khususnya bidang kedokteran rupanya mampu menghapuskan rasa lelah dan kantuknya setelah beraktivitas penuh seharian ini.

Waktu menunjukkan pukul satu dini hari ketika pintu rumah Jani dibuka. Seorang laki-laki masuk ke rumah, dan tanpa menghampiri Jani yang duduk menghadap ke arah pintu, laki-laki tersebut berseru,

Belum selesai juga ngimpi jadi dokter? Ngurusin anak aja belum becus, buat apa mau ngurus pasien!

Ujarnya sembari masuk ke kamar utama. Menutup pintu.

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Laki-laki tersebut adalah Wira. Suami Jani.

Yang empat tahun lalu meminang Jani dan membawanya hijrah ke ibukota.

Bulan Agustus mereka menikah.

Hanya dua bulan terpaut setelah ijazah SMA dikantongi oleh Jani di bulan Juni.

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Jani menangis.

Meletakkan buku-bukunya, dan beranjak ke kamar tidur Aisa.

Diintipnya putri kecilnya itu yang sedang terlelap.

Putri kecilnya yang bercita-cita ingin menjadi dokter suatu hari kelak.

Mewakilkan cita-cita sang ibu.

Ibu Jani. 22 tahun. Pekerjaan: ibu rumah tangga.

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Jakarta, 7 Juli 2017 – Bagi sebagian di antara kita, cita-cita terlalu mahal untuk ditebus, juga terlalu jauh untuk direngkuh.

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And The Beginning was An End of Everything

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This is a story about a girl, a guy, and the inevitable truth about a journey.

*

She was just one of those girls who took 7am train to downtown.

 

This bookworm was a cat person,

At anytime she just loved her own companion.

 

She never wore anything other than black.

She always kept her long brunette hair braided to the back.

 

Coffee was her one and only addiction.

Right there before she knew about affection.

 

She knew nothing about love and desire to be loved.

She called people crazy to worship each other just to feel loved.

 

Truth be told, she had never really loved someone before.

*

He was just one of those guys who took 7am train to downtown.

 

He never liked cat, or any other animals, except those that fly.

As he was just one of them, oh social butterfly.

 

He got a pair of mysterious deep blue eyes.

The ones that his pals called it ‘as cold as ice’.

 

He couldn’t let a day wasted without packs of cigarette,

Like he never got bored of silently watching that brunette.

 

Seeing that strange brunette every morning grew his curiosity more and more.

And he enjoyed it, just like having the waves quenching his shore.

 

But deep down, he was not sure of his ability to love anymore.

*

It was a busy morning train.

And on weekdays, no one ever loved 7am rain.

 

Grumpy faces here and there.

Evaporated into the gloomy atmosphere.

 

And when he entered the train, he saw her right away,

She was reading a book, it was Nietzche’s ‘The Birth of Tragedy’.

 

Under the circumstance, they sat beside each other that day.

The brunette girl and the blue eyed guy finally said ‘hi’.

 

That was the beginning yet the end of everything in their previous lives.

*

And after fifty minutes of talk and laughters,

They exchanged their numbers.

 

And after two days text,

They decided to bring it to the next.

 

And after two dates and a morning train to work skipped,

They kissed.

 

And after thirty kisses,

She knew that she could love someone and had desire of affection, afterall she was no heartless.

 

And after thirty kisses,

He knew that he could love someone again, real one, other than just a summer fling.

 

And after dozens of ‘i love you’s and hugs.

He learnt to get used to play with her cats.

 

And after five sleepless nights they had together,

She followed him into his nightlife and becoming one of those avid party goers.

 

And after ten parties they attended,

She couldn’t live without cigars and a silver Zippo from him with her name embossed.

 

And after hundreds of cigarette butts they shared,

He learnt to enjoy coffee, and her addiction to it had been overpassed.

 

And after fifty cups of coffee they shared,

She stopped wearing black and let her long brunette hair unraveled.

 

And after days of her unraveling her brunette hair,

He started to read Nietzche.

 

So that was the way it was.

That was the beginning yet the end of everything in their previous lives.

*

Then she, became a social butterfly.

And he, talked about philosophy.

That was the beginning yet the end of everything in their previous lives.

*

And after hundreds days of laugh,

There they encountered some fight and sigh.

 

And when a kiss lost its power to fix the fights,

Then they knew the affection they once had for each other had gone from their sights.

*

It was a busy morning train.

And on weekdays, no one ever loved 7am rain.

 

Grumpy faces here and there.

Evaporated into the gloomy atmosphere.

 

And when she entered the train, she saw him right away.

He was reading a book, it was Nietzche’s ‘On The Genealogy of Morality’.

 

Under the circumstance, they sat beside each other that day.

The brunette girl and the blue eyed guy decided to keep the silence between and stay.

 

Fifty minutes had gone, and the train stopped at its last destination.

They went out without any words, heads full of contemplation.

 

He took the right way, and bowed to stroke a wild cat he saw sitting on train platform’s bench.

 

She took the left way, walked and waved to some group of friends waiting for her while lighting her cigarette.

*

So that was the beginning yet the end of everything in their previous lives.

Wasn’t it just like a journey on a train?

When you embark, it would be either you started your new journey or ended one.

And when the train stopped and you went out, it was either you just ended your journey or started a new one.

* * *

About The Prohibited F Word

Hidup lo kebanyakan takutnya. Be fearless, lah!” ujar seorang teman beberapa hari yang lalu setelah saya usai bercerita tentang kekhawatiran saya terhadap suatu hal.

I was likeShit I have to overcome this issue! Real soon‘. Been diving in this bad habit for a long time, I think the most prohibited F word is actually this F.

FEAR.

What is the worst scenario in your life?’ tanya si teman setelahnya.

I don’t know. Got no future? Being alone for the rest of my life perhaps?

Ya, terus? What would you do if your life plans weren’t work?

Crafting another one,‘ jawab saya.

And when you’re getting older, and still being single?

Then I’ll be on my own. Maybe I’ll live somewhere far off,

Well that’s it. Your plan doesn’t work? Then make another. And if you’re being single while you’re getting old, doesn’t mean that you can’t settle down, as there will always be men out there. Or in your case, if you decide to be on your own and live your dream somewhere, just go with it. Meaning, you have already got the plan B to overcome all your fears,

Dang! True.

Mengutip kata-kata teman saya, ‘Think about the worst scenario that could happen to you. When you know it, and you can deal with it. Then why are you worried about fear?

We overthink things. We complicate things. Padahal terkadang problem itu cuma ada di pikiran saja, which means it always be us who fully holds the control.

Few years ago, I was even worse than who I am now, in terms of this habit. My insecurity level was higher than my body itself. And it costed me a lot, that I still have to face the harm of it, until now.

And here I tell you the mantra:

Don’t ever spend your energy to overthink some things you can’t control. Don’t ever think about it till you have it slapping you right on your face.

*

Keesokan harinya, di tengah perjalanan bersama teman yang sama….

Gue mau minum soya milk gue deh, tapi jalan tol macet banget, sampainya masih lama. Takut kebelet pipis di jalan,” ujar saya.

Lalu percakapan di awal tulisan ini pun terulang kembali…