And The Beginning was An End of Everything


This is a story about a girl, a guy, and the inevitable truth about a journey.


She was just one of those girls who took 7am train to downtown.


This bookworm was a cat person,

At anytime she just loved her own companion.


She never wore anything other than black.

She always kept her long brunette hair braided to the back.


Coffee was her one and only addiction.

Right there before she knew about affection.


She knew nothing about love and desire to be loved.

She called people crazy to worship each other just to feel loved.


Truth be told, she had never really loved someone before.


He was just one of those guys who took 7am train to downtown.


He never liked cat, or any other animals, except those that fly.

As he was just one of them, oh social butterfly.


He got a pair of mysterious deep blue eyes.

The ones that his pals called it ‘as cold as ice’.


He couldn’t let a day wasted without packs of cigarette,

Like he never got bored of silently watching that brunette.


Seeing that strange brunette every morning grew his curiosity more and more.

And he enjoyed it, just like having the waves quenching his shore.


But deep down, he was not sure of his ability to love anymore.


It was a busy morning train.

And on weekdays, no one ever loved 7am rain.


Grumpy faces here and there.

Evaporated into the gloomy atmosphere.


And when he entered the train, he saw her right away,

She was reading a book, it was Nietzche’s ‘The Birth of Tragedy’.


Under the circumstance, they sat beside each other that day.

The brunette girl and the blue eyed guy finally said ‘hi’.


That was the beginning yet the end of everything in their previous lives.


And after fifty minutes of talk and laughters,

They exchanged their numbers.


And after two days text,

They decided to bring it to the next.


And after two dates and a morning train to work skipped,

They kissed.


And after thirty kisses,

She knew that she could love someone and had desire of affection, afterall she was no heartless.


And after thirty kisses,

He knew that he could love someone again, real one, other than just a summer fling.


And after dozens of ‘i love you’s and hugs.

He learnt to get used to play with her cats.


And after five sleepless nights they had together,

She followed him into his nightlife and becoming one of those avid party goers.


And after ten parties they attended,

She couldn’t live without cigars and a silver Zippo from him with her name embossed.


And after hundreds of cigarette butts they shared,

He learnt to enjoy coffee, and her addiction to it had been overpassed.


And after fifty cups of coffee they shared,

She stopped wearing black and let her long brunette hair unraveled.


And after days of her unraveling her brunette hair,

He started to read Nietzche.


So that was the way it was.

That was the beginning yet the end of everything in their previous lives.


Then she, became a social butterfly.

And he, talked about philosophy.

That was the beginning yet the end of everything in their previous lives.


And after hundreds days of laugh,

There they encountered some fight and sigh.


And when a kiss lost its power to fix the fights,

Then they knew the affection they once had for each other had gone from their sights.


It was a busy morning train.

And on weekdays, no one ever loved 7am rain.


Grumpy faces here and there.

Evaporated into the gloomy atmosphere.


And when she entered the train, she saw him right away.

He was reading a book, it was Nietzche’s ‘On The Genealogy of Morality’.


Under the circumstance, they sat beside each other that day.

The brunette girl and the blue eyed guy decided to keep the silence between and stay.


Fifty minutes had gone, and the train stopped at its last destination.

They went out without any words, heads full of contemplation.


He took the right way, and bowed to stroke a wild cat he saw sitting on train platform’s bench.


She took the left way, walked and waved to some group of friends waiting for her while lighting her cigarette.


So that was the beginning yet the end of everything in their previous lives.

Wasn’t it just like a journey on a train?

When you embark, it would be either you started your new journey or ended one.

And when the train stopped and you went out, it was either you just ended your journey or started a new one.

* * *

I Saw Her

I saw her.



Just like a clam, she is just too soft, flimsy, and subdued inside. Being fake, she got herself covered by a massive hard shelter. And as a clam, all these while, she has been trying to protect herself from her surroundings with the shell. One which makes people fooled and mistaken her for a heartlessly vicious person.

She can not trust.

She can not love.

She can not trust, not that she doesn’t want to. She’s just too afraid to lose, being wrecked by her own faith. She always sees trust as a betting. You really have to carefully put the right amount of it, for you’ll never know how it’s going to work. 

Once, she ever put a huge amount of a bet. But the game was just being such a fuck up. So she lost all the bet. Then her shell grows and grows to be more difficult to penetrate afterwards. She never means it intentionally, it just gradually grows. Rigid and dense. However, it’s just for the sake of her survival.

She can not love, not that she’s not capable of it. She’s just too afraid to fall apart, being damaged by her own sense. When it comes to love, she always pictures it as a poker game. You never know what your opponent’s hiding beneath, for in a poker game, everyone is a good actor with strategy.

Once, she ever tried to play it low. No strategy, no ambition. All the cards she got- she revealed them all on the table. And what followed, she just lost all of her chips. The next thing she remembered was her shell turned to be much harder and harder to open. She never plans nor wants it though. Again, it’s just for the sake of her survival.

She can not trust.

She can not love.

She never liked it to be always covered, camouflaged, and sheltered. But then she chose to stay inside, rather than to freely swim around the sea. Indeed, she’s vulnerable. Much vulnerable.

She can’t afford some trust and love. No, she can’t handle the damage cost.

But she keeps on denying. Though from inside her massively rigid shell.

I saw her.


Somebody just brought her back.

Suatu Hari di Sebuah Coffee Shop

1 gelas Latte.

Silakan,” ujar waiter sembari menyajikan segelas Latte panas.

Thank you,” balas si wanita.

Wanita itu terlihat gusar. Duduk sendiri, di sudut ruangan salah satu coffee shop di kawasan Melawai ini. Ia nampak menyibukkan diri dengan smartphonenya, sambil sesekali diliriknya arah pintu masuk. Rambut wavy-nya diikat ke belakang, sesaat setelah waiter meletakkan Latte pesanannya di meja. Tipikal wanita urban, dilihat dari pakaian dan aksesoris yang dikenakannya. Tebakanku, usianya sekitar 26. Terlalu dewasa untuk ukuran wanita 20-an, tapi terlalu muda untuk dibilang 30. Tiba-tiba, ponselnya berdering. Kudengar suaranya yang lembut berbicara pada lawan bicaranya.


Kamu di mana?

Iya, aku udah sampai,

Oke, aku tunggu ya,

Ah, ternyata sedang menunggu seseorang. Apakah seseorang itu yang berada di balik kegusarannya siang ini?

15 menit kemudian, seorang laki-laki datang. Rupanya dia yang sedang ditunggu-tunggu oleh wanita itu.

Maaf ya aku telat,

Ngga apa,” jawab perempuan itu singkat.

Apa kabar?” tanya si laki-laki. Canggung.


Setelah itu, yang terdengar hanyalah backsound Another Dawn dari Breakbot yang diputar pelan di ruangan coffee shop yang siang itu sedang tidak banyak pengunjung. Setelah ratusan detik dalam jeda, wanita itu membuka suara.

Masih ingat ngga, kencan pertama kita?” tanyanya.

Si lelaki tersenyum, “Gimana aku bisa lupa? Tepat di kafe, dan di meja ini kan, waktu kamu bilang setuju untuk jadi pacar aku, dua tahun yang lalu,” ujarnya.

Kita memulai semuanya di sini, dan..” si wanita menghela nafas sebelum melanjutkan kalimatnya, “dan aku mau mengakhirinya di sini juga,

Laki-laki itu tersentak. “Oh… ok, kalau memang itu mau kamu,”. Hening sejenak. “Aku sudah menduga. Well.. what to say? Aku harap itu memang yang terbaik untuk kamu,” ujarnya.

Wanita itu hanya terdiam dengan matanya yang mulai berkaca-kaca. Beberapa saat kemudian, ia nampak mengemasi barang2nya ke dalam tas.

Aku pulang duluan ya,” ujar si wanita yang lalu beranjak dan keluar dari coffee shop, menerobos hujan kecil sembari menuju mobilnya yang terparkir di seberang jalan.

Laki-laki itu masih duduk di tempat yang sama. Ia meraih ponsel di saku celananya, nampaknya hendak menelepon seseorang.


Lo di mana?

Gue barusan putus sama Rayna,

Iya, serius. Gue di coffee shop biasa nih, ke sini dong,

Oke, jangan lama-lama ya,


I love you too, Gary,


1 cangkir Cappuccino dan 2 cangkir Flat White.

Silakan,” ujar waiter ramah setelah meletakkan secangkir cappuccino, dan dua cangkir flat white di meja.

Tiga orang wanita usia 30-an sedang berbincang seru. Dari obrolannya, sekilas aku bisa menyimpulkan bahwa mereka adalah teman lama yang sedang berkumpul.

45 menit obrolan berlangsung dengan penuh canda tawa, tentang masa lalu, kehidupan sehari-hari, hingga gosip-gosip hangat.

Ah gila ya, si Dio sama Riri, sekarang udah mau nikah. Inget ngga sih dulu waktu SMA, mereka berdua kan sama-sama nerd gitu,” ujar wanita yang mengenakan kemeja satin berwarna putih.

Hahaha iya. Gue juga kaget dengernya,” balas wanita yang mengenakan dress berwarna biru.

Ih, tapi ya, yang paling ngga disangka-sangka banget itu si Bita. Udah pada tau belum sih, dia tuh sekarang jadi simpenannya pejabat,” sahut wanita yang mengenakan blouse berwarna hitam.

Ah, yang bener?

Iya, masa sih? Ngga nyangka ya,

Iya, gue pun ngga percaya, tapi ya memang kenyataannya seperti itu. Gimana ya rasanya jadi orang ketiga di rumah tangga orang lain, ngga punya hati banget!” ujar si blouse hitam.

Untung kita ngga pernah satu gank ya sama Bita waktu SMA, malu-maluin deh ya, kalo punya temen kelakuannya begitu,” ujar si dress biru.

Eh, tapi Bita dari SMA kan memang terkenal bitchy banget. Coba sebut mantan-mantannya dia, mulai dari Adi, Reza, Andri, Geo, sampe siapa tuh, kapten tim basket sekolahan kita dulu?” ujar si wanita dengan kemeja satin putih.

Agra!” jawab kedua temannya dengan kompak, disambut tawa ketiganya.

Ah well, memang bitchy sih. Tapi patut diakui kalo dia lucky bitch, secara ya physically masih lebih oke gue ke mana-mana, tapi gue cuma laku satu kali di SMA, cuma pacaran sama si Seno ini, siriiiik gue. Hahahaha,” ujar si blouse hitam yang lalu disambut oleh tawa teman-temannya.

Ya jangan sampe sirik sama Bita juga dong, masa lo yang udah bahagia sama Mas Seno dan si cantik Bella pake acara sirik sama perusak rumah tangga orang sih hahaha. Oh iya, lo jadi mau cari kado ulang tahun buat Mas Seno kan?” tanya si dress biru.

Jadi dong. Lo mau nebeng gue kan ke PI? Tapi gue mesti jemput Bella dulu ke sekolah ya,”

Yuk yuk, kangen gue sama Bella. Pasti sekarang udah mulai banyak yang naksir sama anak lo ya?” ujar si dress biru.

Lho, lo mau jemput Bella? Ini udah jam 12, mending lo buruan cabut sekarang,” ujar si kemeja satin putih.

Astaga, ngga sadar deh gue, ini udah jam 12 ya. Ya udah kalo gitu, cabut yuk, Win,” ujar si blouse hitam kepada si dress biru.

Yuk deh,

Nan, lo habis ini mau ke mana? Kita duluan ngga apa-apa kan?” tanya si blouse hitam kepada si kemeja satin putih.

Santai lah, gue mau ngerokok dulu deh di sini. Kayaknya habis ini mau ketemu klien di sini aja kali ya sekalian,” jawab si kemeja satin putih.

Duh, asik banget sih si bos EO, kenceng ya klien ada melulu,” ujar si dress biru kepada si kemeja satin putih.

Yah, disyukuri aja deh. Amiiiin,” balas si kemeja satin putih.

Heh, jangan keasikan kerja melulu. Inget, lo harus buruan cari suami terus nikah, nyusulin kita hahaha,” ujar si blouse hitam.

Si kemeja satin putih hanya tersenyum menanggapinya. Setelah kedua temannya berpamitan dan keluar dari coffee shop, si kemeja satin putih kembali duduk. Ia hendak menyalakan pemantik rokoknya ketika tiba-tiba ponselnya bergetar.


Ya ampun, aku kan udah bilang. Aku aja yang telepon kamu. Untung aku udah sendirian sekarang. Kalo masih ada mereka kan berabe,

Iya, mereka udah pergi,

Kamu mau ke sini?

Boleh dong, aku kan kangen banget,

Yes, see you, Mas Seno,


Aku senang menjadi aku. Menjadi teman kesendirian, menjadi pendengar yang baik, menjadi pengamat, dan menjadi saksi bisu. Tenang saja, rahasiamu tidak akan pernah ku bongkar. Karena setelah ini, aku akan lenyap. Entah karena kamu tenggak perlahan atau kamu abaikan, lalu dibiarkan mendingin, hingga akhirnya dibereskan oleh waiter ramah di coffee shop ini, sesaat setelah kamu pergi.

Karena aku, adalah kopi yang kamu pesan.


Hujan siang hari, 1 April 2015. Melanjutkan draft tulisan yang bersarang di laptop. 

PS: Ada yang bisa menebak, cerita ini ber-setting di kafe mana? 😉